withheld

now I'm still wondering whether I should do or not though I've already made up my mind.
the reason of that, is about HIM - my secret lover.

last friday, I went to the bar as usual with my pretty friend Chiho.
at the time I could see Syl there and I heard that he came to the bar on last wednesday to see me, and had been waiting me all the night. I was shocked and felt sorry for him because maybe I misunderstood what he said on the phone and made him dissapointed.

and I noticed that I wanted to see him real bad,
from the bottom of my heart.

then, last wednesday, he tried to call me again and left a message in my phone.

I know, that I and we should not meet up anymore. seeing him again is undoubtedly a real dangerous game.
but I also know, that we have been longing for coming the day we can meet again though we know that we should not to do that of course.

anyway, I decided to go to the bar and meet up with him today so I can't escape anymore.
I made up my mind because I don't wanna regret about it.
that's why I could decide. I decided just only for that.

I'm afraid but I hope to make it and have a great night together with him.
is it a selfish hope?
am I seeing a sweet dream?
shold I wake up from the dream?

I'm still wondering but I wanna see him that's a really truth.
what should I do...?
someone pls let me give the right answer I should choose.