dilemma

last monday,
everything was going well and there was nothing else bothers me,
but in the end of that day.. it changed.

at the day I have to took a lecture by Eiko Tanaka, who is the president of a company named Studio 4 degrees
and when I was taking the class, inside of my head started aching. and it got worse and worse.

after finishing that lecture, my phone rang.
so I checked, and it was from withheld number but it rang for so long.

I felt somethin strange and I expected one possibility,
but I never could believe that so I tried not to believe my expectation.

but, my phone began to ring again when I was waiting for the bus' coming and I felt an anxiety.
I started wondering but I couldn't answer it cuz I was so scared to responce to it.
besides, a girl next to me spoke to me so we talked together though I was sick, and I forgot about the call for a while.

when I laid down on my bed as soon as I arrived at my room,
suddenly my phone started to call me again. it was 4th time to ring so I was sure that it was from him.

it was absolutely unbelievable happening for me but I answered it.

"hey, wussup?"
the voice said.

"who are you?"
I knew it was his voice, but I said so
cuz I couldn't believe that he gave a call to me still then.

he laughed happily, and told me his name.
I was afraid whether our conversation was stolen by his back side men includes his wife or not
but anyways I was glad that I could hear his voice and saw his smile through the line.

he said that Jayce made it to hand over my notes to him
and wants to give my money back so he will try to meet up at somewhere safe.

but where is the place somewhere safe?

so I said to him,
"..but if we try to meet, at where? you know, it's really dangerous for us to meet up in anywhere in Tokyo, right?"
and also,
"you know what, I was sooo scared when I recieved emails from her!"

"yeh...in Tokyo....yeah."
he said and in addition,
"I'm sorry about that.. the email, sorry I couldn't check the mails then.."

at the end of the call he addicted,
"I will call you again on Wednesday, OK?"

I didn't believe that he would give me a call as he promised(and actually I couldn't get any calls from him yesterday,)
but I said OK, and hang up the phone call, from the bar in somewhere, where's filled with jazz music.

while I was talking wit him, I almost forgot my headache but I noticed that I had a headache after that,
and I had a pill, took off my contact lense, made my face off, and I went to bed again and went into my dreams.



now I wondering as usual, if I should not meet up with him, or I should see him for our satisfaction..

I've already known that it is undoubtedly dangerous for us, espesially for me, to meet up
so I should ask him to deposit my money to someone who we both know such as jayce again, Syl, or his friend Mike.
and I will take my money from him through one of them.

but needless to say, I'd looove to see him and take it from him directly.
and maybe, meeting will not end without doing SOMTHING .. lol
and it get more dangerous than just to meet up for about the money.

how do you think, az?

anyways I'm still waiting for your calling back, darling.