it's my diary what's written in English. i write everything 'bout me, espesially my thoughts, love, arts, and music. i also show you my photos, drawings, some essays that i wrote, or something. don't hesitate to visit me and to leave your comments. welcome! ;*)

Saturday, July 29, 2006

fallin' to pieces

Although we've planed to go out tonight,
I didn't got any phone calls this morning.

so,

I called him. I mean Mike.
and, he called me back in the afternoon.

He said he was still feelin' bad,
In addition to this, he said,

"Sorry, so I don't feel like going out today.
.....No, I should rather say I CAN NOT go. "

then,

"I'm so sorry. you know, I really wanna see you."

At this moment,
I felt that something's broken.
My mind, was fallin' to pieces.

"Hey Mike,"
I said
"I think we can't keep this relationships."

"......What the hell you talkin' about?! "
He was surprised, and he also laughed.
"Come on, Eiko! Stand! stand, please!
I'll be better soon. Just for a little while."

but I couldn't control myself,
and I complained about many things as I was crying.

"Cuz everything will be canceled all the time.
you know, whenever we made any promises."

I know there was no way to slove that cancellings,
but anyway I wanted to see him.
What I wanted to do, is just to see him, but actually I couldn't.
Though we promised.

Maybe I'm selfish,
but now I need someone who can meet my needs.

I almost lost my temper then.

"I want you to make a little time for me,
but I also want you to do your job hard."

It's a kind of paradox but it's undoubtedly true.

He got serious sometimes, but almost laughed.
He seemed not to believe that what I was saying was not serious and briefly thing.

"Don't take it so hard, Eiko."
He added so.

"I can make a lot of time for you. Believe me!"

and I replied,

"But you know, "I", will be so busy from next week cuz I have to do some works,"

"....Ok, even if you'll be busy, I can see you late in the night.
you know what, we can meet at somewhere, as usual, right?"

We talked in circles,

He said that he would call me again tonight, so we hanged up the phone.

so,

All in all, the date was canceled again.
I wanted to see fireworks around Sumida river from the cruiser...


but anyway,

I don't wanna cry any more.
I'm fed up with standing...

I've not dicided what will I do next,
but now I think I'm gonna end up with breaking up.

Now,

"Oceans 11" is playing on the TV,
and in the movie, there's a great line what Julia Roberts describes her husband to her ex husband.

"He doesn't make me cry."

you know, I really wanna find a kind of the guy"he" that Julia means.
And I can understand her feeling well.

But I also can understand her feeling to Joerge( her ex husband )...
His smile reminds me his one.
I mean, John's.

...Give me a break!!!! lol

Thursday, July 27, 2006

gave rewards to myself

Because my tasks were over, so today I gave myself some rewards.

At the biginning, I went beauty salon in Kichijoji,
and I met a stranger on my way to go... he said he's a director who's making TV commercial.

Anyway,
It's been a long time to go to the salon, so I felt freshness in the atmosphere.
I was really refreshed!! and maybe I became cuter than before...??? I'm not sure, but hopefully... ha ha ha :)

After that I met up with my sister, Yasuko @ Tower Records.
Then I found a great album of "The Bakers Brothers".
It was amazing! Funky! Sweet! so nice!! (admire them too much? lol)
※You can check about them on the web-site: http://www.thebakerbrothers.com

As a lunch, we ate ful-don @ ful cafe.
It was delicious and we discussed 'bout our future plans.

Until the evening, we hanged around the town.

At about 18:30, we went Tokyo-Kichi where's located eastern area of Kichijoji, for dinner.
The restraunt is my favorite, and I've been there so many times.
So I know well about the staffs, too, and we've known each other for about 2 years.
We sit on the seat(sofa) in the back. We had some fabulous dishes there.

We also went to Kichi-bar. It's located near the restaurant, and these are "sister shop".
Ice cream corn that we ate for dessert were so sweet and sour, and it tasted good.

In addition, I could see Nob, the master of this bar, and we talked about so many things.
He also showed us a too pretty panda... it seemed a living animal.

In the end,
I've exchanged some e-mails with Silvana, my beautiful peruvian/Japanese? friend.
She invited me to drink but I have to refuse it because it's too late.

According to her information, Surprisingly,
Both Az and Michael were in the CROW FOREST tonight!!!!
I was really smart that I didn't go there tonight.
If I went there........oh my god... lol

I think I have to decide sooner,
but I'm still wondering which one should I choose...

Anyone, please give me a suggestion!!...

additional information

Now I found an information about the bar that I went on last Fri.
You can see not only inside but also the amazing view through this web-site.

URL is,
http://www.ehills.co.jp/rp/dfw/EHILLS/morishop/atago/thebar/index_e.php

if you click the button named "360° panorama view",
you can see it definitely!!

Check it☆

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

John and Mike

It's really funny that my boyfriend/ex boyfriends' name are the same as two of the greatest artist!
"John" means John Lennon from the Beatles,
and "Mike" means Mike Shinoda from Fort minor/Linkin Park.
These two are my fave.
I think they're completely amazing, powerful, artistic, and they're so enthusiastic to make music, aren't they?

Tonight I heard the surprise and sad news from one TV program.
Its contents is that
"One of Christian school in Europe or somewhere, prohibit students from singing John Lennon's "Imagine",
because the song including a phrase like this:
" Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace "
The school regard the phrase as it denies religion.

This issue shows us, the importance and necessity of this song,
and we can notice that how strong power it has.

Besides,

Tonight I saw one of the PVs of Fort Minor, the one "Where'd you go".
I've ever seen this once or twice(just on YouTube),
but I didn't recognized that the introduction part has very important meanings.
It was great... I was moved so much.
Mike always suggest us some importance through his music, I think.

Anyways

I love themmm ;*⊃

early return

After finish TOEFL-ITP test, I met up with my friend, Michiko, to eat and talk.
We didn't have much money then, so we went to Denny's and we shared one cheap course together.
And, suddenly my phone rang again just like last Sat, and it was also from Mike.
Surprisingly, he came back to Japan earlier than the schedule.
He said he got tired so that he returned earlier.

At that time we talked about each other's boyfriends,
and I just told her that I may ditch Mike so I was really surprised...
Was he staring me somewhere!? Oh my goodness!!
He has a really good scent...I'm scared.

Anyways, today I got an e-mail from my Jamaican/US friend, Leanna this morning.
I recognized that I didn't get back to her and I got back soon before I went to school.
She said on the letter,
"Hi Eiko, How are you? Long time no hear from....so have you made it to NY...or are you still planning to come for the summer?
I was hoping you would of emailed me and let me know, but I guess you are busy. How's the boyfriend from Wall Street ?"
Undoubtedly I felt terrible sorrow...and surely, remember him, the days, memories in NY.

I'll reply her after I finish to write this,but maybe I'll cry.


I wish the day that I can make it to write more positive diary, will come soon..

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

callin' from Shanghai

Suddenly, my cell phone rang on Saturday night.
There weren't any numbers on the display.
I was a little surprised 'cause I knew that it means that the call was from overseas.

"Who's this...?"

and, I answered the call timidly.

It was my boyfriend, Mike, and he said "Hello" in Chinese.
Now he's in Shanghai, China, for bussiness.

I felt relief, but to tell the truth, I was a little bit disappointed.
I thought(and hoped) it might a call from John, my ex boyfriend in NY.
'Cause it was the time that he used to call me...

He said,
"It is 40℃ here. It's fuckin' hot, but in Japan, it's so cool, isn't it?"
"...yeah, exactly. It's a little humid but cool like fall. It's comfortable for me."
I replied.

He seemed so happy and to enjoy the days there.
But in contrast, I was not happy.

The display reminded me calls from John,
and I was also thinking about Azkira, the guy who I saw on Friday night.
Though ofcourse I miss Mike.

I felt a difference of fever between us.
It was like the one I felt when I was with my ex boyfriend, Leon.

From bottom of my heart,
I really hope to solve this problem a.s.a.p.

I just miss everything.
I just want someone to love me.
I just feel lonely.

The environment around me have become complicate.
He---lp!!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

one sweet summer night

These days, I have been going to Shimbashi, where's located in downtown of Tokyo.
The trigger of this action was that my ex boyfriend lives there(still now).
Now I actually broke up with him, but I've been continuing the action since then.

Going there is to research about Japanese salaried workers.
Now I've been looking for their private faces with my friends in the same art univ. named MAU.
I sometimes interview them or gather materials(photos, images, or something) to make our web-site about the subject.

Then I found the nice bar through the fieldwork.
The bar named "Crow Forest" is located in front of the Shimbashi stn.,
and I also have been going there after my work.

Last Friday, I didn't have any works there, but I went to the bar after school with my friend,Hiroto, to drink and talk.
At first, I planned to go there with Hitoro and another close friend,Eri, but unfortunately, she couldn't join us cuz she felt bad at the night.... I was really sorry about that.(I'm looking forward to drinking together next time,Eri!!)

It was Friday night, so the bar was so crowded as same as every Fridays.

Then, I found a guy I've ever seen once before.
He's not only a bussiness man but also a singer, and he sings R&B, Jazz, etc.
We have already exchanged our number when we first met, but I couldn't keep in touch with him because of some reasons(the biggest one is the problem of my boyfriend,Mike), so it had been a long time to see him.

We exchanged greetings, but we didn't talk a lot.
'Cuz the bar was really noisy as usual, and I wanted to talk a lot of things with HIroto.

Hiroto and I stood beside the table near the counter(cuz this bar is a kind of step in bar), and we talked a lot, espesially 'bout NY. Both of us have ever been there and love the city.
I spoke about the romantic and fantastic stories with my host family, my friend, and my ex boyfriend that I met there.
He also told his memories to me, for example, about museums, plays, hotels, or something.
We spent a great time together. and besides, he even bought one glass of red wine for me!! He's really nice guy in both outside and inside. :>

Around 9, the singer guy came to us. and said,
"I'm leaving here after a while, 'cause I'm gonna sing at the bar in the building in Atago,
...so, please come and listen to my song if you want to."
and he continued,
"..and if you can, please join recording with me as a singer next week. I'm really lookin for a female singer!"
he said so because he remembered that I sometimes sing Jazz at school.
We said,ok, and he left there soon.

After that, we also got out of the bar and talked in front of the cool but noisy bar.
I wanted to talk about each other's love relationships, future, and everything, but also wanted to go and see the guy singing.
Then I asked Hiroto to go there with me, and he agreed to do so unwillingly lol

Then we started to look for the building together.
Shimbashi is generally one of the areas for bussinessmen, so the town was filled with so many workers on the way back home(or to drink). The day was festival night, so we could also see youngers exceptionally.

The night was unusually cool, and the sky was colored grayish navy blue.
Against the background of the sky, Tokyo Tower was shining bright.
We walked together as chatting.
The night had far advanced.

We could finally find the building, but it seemed high-class so we hesitated to enter the building.
but I made my mind and called the guy.

After a little while, he picked us up.
But because of dress code, Hiroto couldn't make it to enter the bar...
Then Hiroto said to me, "Ok, so you should go with him. I'll go home. Have fun!"
How kind he was!!
I was close to tears in sure, and the guy apologized to him.

At last, I entered the bar in the 42nd floor with him.

The bar was beyond my expectation, and it has amazing view of the cream of the sights of Tokyo.
It's connected to the restaurant, and it's undoubtedly exclusive.

To tell the truth, I wanted to go back then because of the atmosphere, but he was kind to me and helped me all the time.

There were more 2 persons except us where we were.
One of them, is a famous producer and a big name of the music world, named Steve.
And, I don't know another one's name, but the guy called him "Teddy bear", and he's really similar to it so I laughed.
In the end of the dinner, he ate "Tiramisu" by using a fork, but it seemed like playing a small dice with a picker.
They're really charming, and also good at singing!!

My friend is also a good singer.
His voice is soft, sweet, comfortable, and it has tenderness.
I don't know the song what he sang, but it was romantic song what is suitable for the beautiful night.

He and I talked about ourselves, our future plans, and ofcourse about music as we were drinking some glasses of red wine.
(In truth, I heard that it costs 300,000 per one glass.....unbelievable!!!!)
We also talked about our love experiences(including 'bout sex), and disclose each other's secrets.

I think you know what's coming next,
but anyways, we hit it off.

And we went to the shrine(or temple) outside the building to take a break.

Everything was comfortable.
Everything smelled sweet.
Everything was so beautiful.

It was calm and gorgeous night.

When we went back to the bar, I found two familiar faces.
They're Mike(not my boyfriend one lol) and my beautiful friend, Silvana.
Therefore we talked about our relations or something, and left there together.

I don't write what happened after that,
but maybe you know.

Anyway he said to me,
"well yes what I said to you was serious but I want to talk about it face to face.
Many people always want to be so fast about that but I think slow can make everyone see the truth.
so even about you, dont rush yet, you should know me more.
You should also know about my bad side too because everyone has 2 sides good and bad.
but also yes you have many men now that you see so relax and take your time..
Please tell your friend I am sorry and next time I want to take him to watch us sing...."

As he said, now I have a boyfriend, some male friends, and in addition, I still love my ex boyfriend in NY.
But now It's also true that I seemed to attracked to him.

I suppose, my love affairs will be more complicated.
The night has changed the situation, my mind, and everything.

Introduction

hello somebody, i am Eikita. this is my nickname, and it was given from my sexy peruvian friend, Sofi.
anyways, i made this page for three reasons that are written below.
#1.
now i have another blog, but because too many acquaintances(including not close friends) see it, i couldn't write my private things, my biting thoughts or cutting remarks to them, and so on. then i decided to write them here and show it to stranger.
#2.
another weblog that i have is just for people who speaks only japanese, but i wanna show my diary and some products(i mean arts or wrintings) to people all over the world, so i will upload them here and show you.
#3.
now i have been studying English to be chosen as an exchange student of my univ., and to communicate with a lot of my foreign friend(or boyfriend) better than now. so i think i should use/write English more and more.

so, please leave your comments or mail me without reserve!
and enjoy my page.